Ic Inbox

[germhating_hypochondriac]

I'm Eddie. You can leave a text or voice message thing. I might text you back. I don't know. These communicators probably give us all cancer and other shit.

Comments

text; whatever whenever

[measuringdicks]

what the fuck

Eddie

Eds

EDDIE DARTH VADER???

I knew there were Jedi here but I didn’t think fucking DARTH SHITTING VADER would be here holy FUCK

text;

[germhating_hypochondriac]

It's got to be bullshit.

Darth Vader and the Jedi are made up.

Darth Vader wouldn't have a puppy unless he was gonna make someone eat it.

Don't talk to him just in case.

text;

[measuringdicks]

the floating snowball that nearly nailed me was definitely real

I think he’s been here a while??? he talks like someone who’s way too used to this shit

of fucking course I won’t I don’t wanna get choked over the comm

text;

[germhating_hypochondriac]

What the fuck?  You had a snowball fight with Darth Vader?   It doesn't mean it was the force.  It was probably some superpower he got from this place.

Then he's a crazy person.  They're all crazy.  This is not shit that people get used to.

Maybe anyone could do that.  All kinds of superpowers.  Fuck.

text;

[measuringdicks]

no I had a snowball fight with a Jedi

her name’s Rey

I was on her team after that she’s cool as fuck

this entire bullshit place is fucking bananas Eddie but at least you didn’t come in right before even wilder bullshit happened

I know there’s a bunch of Jedi here but they’re not all Darth fucking Vader so I think you’re safe as long as you keep away from him

Re: text;

[germhating_hypochondriac]

If that's true, then it's really cool.  I still think she could have gotten powers here and just be saying she's a Jedi.

Nah, it sucks that you went through the bullshit alone.  If I knew about this place and I knew you were here, I would have found a way to be here too. Losers stick together. 

Bringing Darth Vader here was a dumbass move.  Those porters things need to be fixed before they bring in more bad guys.

[measuringdicks]

could be

hey we should ask on the network just how many of them are here besides Rey and the chick from the park dunno what her name was

[Yeah, hold on while Richie just melts into his pillow. He can't hold all these feelings!! Thank god for text because if he had to do this through audio or video he'd give the game away immediately.]

you're here now that's what matters

you know what would be funny? what if the porter brings in the gremlins??

nobody in this place knows shit-all about those, somebody's gonna pour water on just one and feed it after midnight and then we'd all be overrun with them

and they look so fucking adorable so you KNOW they're not gonna register as bad guys on anyone's radars until they start killing people

[germhating_hypochondriac]

A Jedi role call? Do you think they'd even answer?  Maybe they'd answer with their minds.  That's a thing.  There's supposed to be someway to use these communicators with our heads.  Probably gives us brain cancer.

That's only funny if we're safe from the gremlins!!!!

We need to make a clubhouse.   A hidden clubhouse, in case of gremlins or other bad shit.  So we can meet up and know we're safe. 

I could keep one as a pet if they do show up.  I'd be a good mogwai owner.  No one's better with safety rules than me. 

[measuringdicks]

you can do that?? fuck that's amazing

yeah they'd definitely answer but we'd have to think up some questions to ask them and we can't make it obvious we know who they are

I think some of them already know about the movies because of other imPorts but I don't know just who knows about the movies and anyway not all of them showed up in the movies, Rey and the lady from the park definitely weren't

of fucking course we'd be safe from the gremlins we'd be the only motherfuckers around not dumb enough to let our mogwai get wet or eat after midnight

we could build a treehouse out in the woods for seven. just in case the others show up

[germhating_hypochondriac]

It says in the paperwork that we can.  Maybe it's for when R2-D2 shows up - it's not like he can text with his thumbs.  Brain cancer won't be amazing.

How are we gonna do that?  If they're really Jedi, they'll know what we're thinking. Everything's obvious when you can read minds. Fuck, they might mind trick us into forgetting the movies. Why hasn't Darth Vader done that?   Does he want people to know he's a bad guy?  This whole thing is fucking weird.

That wouldn't make us safe.  Other people's gremlins could get us. 

They'll show up.  Losers always stick together.  We'll make it a good place for all of us.  I'll even get Ben a new paddleball.  

Jedi are from a long, long time ago.  Maybe people from a long time ago back home could show up too.  Like Georgie.  Or my Dad.

[measuringdicks]

it'd be really hard to wipe the memory of the entire imPort population even for Jedi

you're telling me, I've been dealing with this shit since November. not the Star Wars shit, just this bullshit place in general. I'm an expert now

we'd have a safehouse to hide out in and weapons + ammo, duh, other people's gremlins wouldn't be able to get to us

[Fuck. Georgie. That's right, Georgie could show up, and Richie sits in the quiet of his room for a moment as he lets that sink in. If the Losers could show up, so could Georgie. So could Eddie's dad, or his mom. And so could Henry Bowers and his goons, and so could, and god help them all if this ever happened, It. He gulps audibly at the thought of it.]

if we're going there, any of the missing kids could show up

hey do you think some of them might've ended up here instead?? what if we turned the corner and Betty fucking Ripsom's just chilling out with a smoke on a porch?

[germhating_hypochondriac]

I didn't even know you were gone.  Do you think the you back in Derry was you too?  Or like a clone, body-snatching alien? Do aliens make your mom jokes?

We should be able to get real weapons since we're imports.  Guns and blasters and lightsabers.  Whatever the fuck keeps us safest.  I'll make a list.

Them being here'd be a good thing. None of those kids deserved what happened.

A lot of people here aren't human. Anything could walk in.  Killer aliens or robots.  Zombies. Ghosts. Werewolves. People with the plague. IT.  It could show up and they'd give It a house and a job and be all like 'welcome, Pennywise.  Here's some more magical powers to scare and eat kids with.'

[measuringdicks]

we could ask the alien who talked to us in your post, what's his name with the skin suit? but honestly I don't think they do

I'd be real fucking annoyed if none of us could tell the difference between me and a body-snatching alien who's never known the sweet embrace of your mother's thick thighs, though, just saying

there's a lady on the network who's gonna teach me shit in exchange for hanging out with her kid, maybe if you talk to her and make the same offer she'll do the same for you?? her name's Andy and I think she's fucking unkillable

we could tell them It's dead and we killed it but good [At least he hopes It's dead. God, please, let It be dead. If Richie has to do this again in twenty-seven years he's probably gonna die, it's way too easy to throw his back out in his older form.]

It's dead

there's no way it can come here

[germhating_hypochondriac]

That guy?  No way.  Keep talking to him and you'll end up getting experimented on.  Your head will get stitched onto an animal body and you'll be in some alien zoo.

Yeah, yeah.  I'm sure your sister knows that body-swapped me isn't really me either.

All you gotta do is hang out with her kid?   Is the kid real young and you're a babysitter?  What kind of shit is she teaching you?  Is she making you unkillable too? Do you really think I can learn it?  Or am I too small and sick and weak.

Yeah and we could tell them that people will care about them here.   No more piles of missing kids posters.

What if It's from a time before we killed It?  You saw Ben's stuff.  It's old.  Ancient.

[measuringdicks]

even if he could do that he couldn't pull that shit here, he'd need a ship and a base away from Earth and nobody has that

plus they'd have to try and fool the other Losers, and the jig would be up then

yeah I just gotta hang out with her kid. no he's like fifteen but also apparently he doesn't know what fucking is because she hasn't told him yet and he was sheltered before he got here. probably she's just gonna show me how to hit things really fucking hard, she just told me she was going to teach me practical shit and not how to shoot people with a bow and arrow. I think the unkillable thing's not teachable which is fucking stupid. you could ask her!

then we figure out how to kill It here

there's superheroes, we can do it

[germhating_hypochondriac]

Are you sure?   There's all kinds of weird shit here.

Body swapped you fooled us.  Yeah, okay.

Maybe he doesn't have a dad.  My mom never told me what fucking was.  She just told me not to do it until I was married or I'd get all kinds of diseases. Like a wedding ring's better than a rubber.  You need to get him some movies or books or show him this internet thing.  Do you think she'd show me the bow and arrow since you're getting the hitting lessons?  Cause I can't hit anything hard.  I'm too small. Then we could team up and nothing would get us.  Is she really unkillable, or like can be killed and the nanites fix her?  I still don't trust those tiny robots.

Yeah, I can ask her.

Or we can let the superheroes kill It, if they can see It.

[measuringdicks]

if you were an alien and you had a way off the planet you were stuck on, wouldn't you take it?

maybe?? I don't know how long they've been here but it would be pretty hard to not run into the Internet thing, it's fucking everywhere

nah, if she thinks I can't do it even when I look forty then she's probably gonna tell you too. but if we hang out with her kid maybe she'll show you how to hit shit harder too?

dunno, but she fell off the roof one time and then just walked it off

the nanites can do that???? holy fuck

they're way better at noticing shit than everyone in Derry, pretty sure they would

[germhating_hypochondriac]

Depends on a lot of things.  It could be his job to be here and mess with us.  Or maybe this planet's better than the one he's from.

His mom might not let him use it.  My mom would freak if she saw me using this internet thing.  Unless it was to look at medical stuff or school stuff.

Forty's old.  They should have given you a power to be in your twenties. 

Do you think I can hit stuff hard?

Was she okay though; she could have been in shock.

They can bring us back from the dead.  But they don't always work and we stay dead.  And they can screw up too, bring us back missing an arm or something.  You need to start reading all the info in your brochures.  Did you at least read about your powers?  You gotta make sure turning 40's not gonna stretch out your insides and mess you up. And if it's safe, we can find cool stuff you can do when you look 40.

That's not saying much.  Everyone in Derry sucked at noticing shit.  Except us losers.

[measuringdicks]

if it is any better than where he's from then I feel real sorry for him

nah Andy seems like a cool mom

RIGHT they SHOULD'VE 40yo me looks sketchy as fuck

you fucking soccer-kicked Pennywise in the face, and it was the coolest thing I ever saw you do. I KNOW you can hit shit really hard

she was??? she only told me about it because she told me there was a bloodstain in the driveway and I asked where it came from and she was like "fell off a roof, next question"

I've turned 40 a lot already, if it was gonna happen it would've happened already. the worst that's happened is throwing my back out and that's fixable but embarrassing

also I know all the cool stuff you can do at 40

think the others are gonna come here?

[germhating_hypochondriac]

I'm still deciding if he's dangerous or not.  I'll feel sorry for him later.

what the fuck happens to you in like 30 years,to make you look so sketchy? maybe you do all the stuff my mom says people shouldn't do.

I tried punching Pennywise right in the face so many times, when I broke my arm. Pennywise didn't even flinch.  maybe she can teach me to kick really hard.

could have been an old bloodstain.  or the blood came from her hurting herself a different way.  Or someone else's blood.  

you should go to a doctor and get your old back x-rayed.  maybe they can fix it. 

do you have a driver's license? seen any cool movies? drink booze? gone to a strip club?

do you have a gun? we could use one in this batshit place.

i think they'll come here or we'll get sent back home.  we're always supposed to be together.

[measuringdicks]

probably not that dangerous. kinda boring honestly I thought alien invasions would have more oomph to them but noooo. not even probes

0/10 would not recommend

how the fuck should I know!!

when I come over to her place I will let you know what the bloodstain looks like bc I haven't even gone yet

yeah no they're gonna ask me for ID and all I have is a fake driver's license for Richard King. anyway when I turn back to me it fixes itself straight away so who needs an x-ray NOT FUCKING ME

fake, YES, one time and it tasted so bad, yes and I saw your mom in a g-string

no, haven't found one just yet

we should put something together for the others if they ever show up. like, "welcome to bizarro future America, Losers! ask us anything"

[germhating_hypochondriac]

yeah, they're basically space tourists if he's telling the truth.  apparently coffee and chocolate are really cool to aliens. did you know he has a boyfriend?

are you going to her place alone? don't become the next stain on her driveway. tell me when you're going and send me texts like every fifteen minutes so I know you're okay.

you can go to that clinic for imports.  or ask josh.  he doesn't even need x-rays. you're not gonna be able to turn back when you're old for real and you might be able to keep your back from getting all fucked up in the first place.

is it a good fake? could we like rent a car and go on a trip? we have to go together to the next good movie. that's what my mom always said about booze.  did it feel like your insides were burning?  and you should have looked around, your sister was next to her naked.

maybe we can get star wars blasters.

yeah, you know Ben will read it.  Mike and Bill too probably.  they can tell Stan and Bev what's in it.

this phone does all kinds of shit. maybe we can make it beep or ring if the other losers' names get added to this network thing.

[measuringdicks]

if I were an alien and I tasted chocolate for the first time here I would fucking move here immediately, so understandable

ok. thirty minutes so I don't scare her kid. he sounds kinda like a shy baby deer or something

there's a clinic?? who's Josh??

well it passes muster with the kid at the cashier at the nearest mom-and-pop shop but he's got glasses as big as mine, so idk about the car. will try to rent one as a trial and tell you how it goes. yeah of COURSE I'm not gonna leave you out of the good shit. I think I set fire to my throat. I THOUGHT that other stripper looked familiar I thought she was your aunt.

if I meet any more Star Wars people I will be sure to borrow their blasters

have no idea how to make it do that

[germhating_hypochondriac]

I guess so.  

okay. he might need you. you're good at helping me scared people. just smile when you make a joke so he knows it's a joke. and don't tell any 'your mom' jokes when his mom is around.

yeah. Tina told me about it and i went there for my asthma.  they said it's not really asthma.  Josh is a guy that can tell what's wrong with you without x-rays or needles.  it's his power. he's a doctor and he's got gold skin.

do you still have glasses when you're old? maybe he was being nice 'cause you both got them. okay, but don't get into trouble. if they don't give you a car, let it go. t must have been a strong drink. maybe you can try a fruity drink, one of those ones that you're not supposed to be able to taste the alcohol. and drink lots of water so you don't get drunk or get a hangover. the booze might stay in your blood when you go back to being a kid. Nah, your sister's got my name tattooed on her ass, you can't miss it.

or buy one. are there like import stores?

i'll read the pamphlets again. or ask for a manual.

voice

[measuringdicks]

[First things first, Richie sends a recording of this thread over. Then he calls Eddie.]

Wanna come with me? I dunno what they’ve got at this Lantern Festival but I betcha they have all sorts of fun shit.

[germhating_hypochondriac]

Yeah. I just searched lantern festival on this phone thing and a bunch of cool pictures came up. Let's ride bikes over.  You should have asked him about sister jokes.  They're as good as mom jokes.

[measuringdicks]

I’ll be waiting right outside.

I’m gonna drop the sister jokes on them when they least expect it, don’t worry about it.

text; backdated to september 3

[measuringdicks]

hey you out???
I’m right outside
I bought tickets to this movie marathon at the cinema with the GOOD popcorn
happy birthday Eds come out with me

Re: text; backdated to september 3

[germhating_hypochondriac]

I'm home.
You know you can come in. My roommates don't care.
what movies are they gonna show?
I'm coming. I just gotta grab my fanny pack.
Thanks Richie.

[measuringdicks]

they’re playing all the Halloween movies to prep us for Halloween in like two months
if we get there right now we can steal front row seats

[germhating_hypochondriac]

that's smart.  micheal myers might actually show up in this place.  people gotta know about him.

wait. very front row? we'll strain our necks.

[measuringdicks]

ok I didn’t think about it that way but now I’m gonna be checking every corner I walk around now just in case Michael fucking Myers is about to stab me in the goddamn face

don’t worry they just added recliner seats
all the pros of front row with NONE of the weird kinks in the neck after!

[germhating_hypochondriac]

You should already be doing that!   Not just for Myers.  At least he was a guy.  You can throw rocks at him or kick him in the balls and run.  You gotta watch for the really weird shit.  Always do monster checks.

Okay cool.  You at the front door?  I'm coming out now.

[measuringdicks]

yeah I'm right outside

[Sure enough, there's Richie, right outside on the doorstep, scrolling through his phone. Strange to think that last year he was still trying to figure out the technology here, because now he uses it with the same thoughtlessness as an ordinary teenager born in this time would. He looks up and grins when he sees Eddie.]

What took you so long? Was my sister holding you up?

[germhating_hypochondriac]

Yeah.  She was looking for her panties and I had to remind her she wasn't wearing any when she came over. 

[He says and then rolls his eyes.  If Richie catches it, he does give him a very quick smile too.] 

I told you I had to get my fanny pack. 

[It has less pills now, no inhaler.  There's more general emergency supplies, because this world is still crazy.]

[measuringdicks]

Yeah, she's easy like that.

[Said cheerfully, as Richie stuffs his phone into his pocket.]

Come on, I got a backseat installed on my bike, you don't have to take a ride in the basket anymore like ET.

[germhating_hypochondriac]

Nah, her head hit the headboard too hard and she got confused.

[Eddie rolls his eyes.]

That's cool for the next time you gotta find me up somewhere.  But dude, this is my place.  I can take my bike.